Moving On

In about two weeks we will be moving - I should be excited, but I'm not! Not one part of me is ready to leave this place, to leave the neighborhood that I have ran in for the last 5 years, to leave the only house my granddaughter has ever known us to live in. To leave the trails nearby that I love to run on! Which is really interesting since we've been looking for a house to buy since October.... of 2009! I should have been prepared by now, right?


My not wanting to move hasn't completely taken my husband or me by surprise--- It's a fault in my personality... and it's getting really annoying! I'm 45 years old; it's a fully developed "issue" now. I've been down this road a million times- I had this same problem when we moved in here! I can't fully commit to the big stuff...well, honestly, I can't commit to buying clothes, shoes, dishes..... whatever... I'm just sure I'll regret it, but it's okay to regret buying clothes, shoes or dishes because I can return them. But a house isn't quite that easy to "return"! Darn it!

I know that God is molding this serious personality issue of mine - The house we're supposed to be moving into is a foreclosure and the bank has not done the things they are supposed to do, and the things they have done need to be redone! Needless to say, this is not within my comfort zone!

I have learned a few things that God is trying to teach me during this whole experience, the most important being that I need to trust what I cannot see! Now, this is certainly not the first time this concept has come up with me... Oh, He's brought it up many times, but I always seem to rely on what I know, or what I can figure out.... But this time seems to be different. There's something very different going on now. It's a turning point, and I think I'm turning! Bout time!

A New Season

I love that we live in a place that has 4 seasons! I love that it was 81 degrees here today. It is supposed to snow later this week! Love that too.

My husband and I were talking this weekend about how much our lives have changed over the last several years. I'm not enjoying this season. I have enjoyed parts of it; I guess...I've enjoyed having time to figure out what brings me joy. I love that my husband does all the cooking now, which he didn't do when our kids were young, and which I hate!

The things I miss the most are when our kids were young and we were running them to games and events and hanging out with family for hours on end. Going to Broomfield Days with my sister in law every year for what seems like a lifetime. Watching my kids play with their cousins. I miss family camping trips with friends over a long weekend, the kids staying up late and getting too much sun, and eating too much junk food. i miss volleyball at church with friends and dinner afterwards. Volleyball with my brother in law and sister in law....winning trophies and feeling like "athletes", man, those were fun times!

The kids are grown now, one has a child of her own, the other is still at home but not for long! Nothing is as it was-- and some days I just really miss it.

So now we move into a new season- A season without running our kids all over the place. The season of camping with all those friends is over. Family's have moved or moved on. It's a new season, one that I could have never anticipated!

But life goes on, doesn't it? I have a plan to move into this new season. I'm so afraid my husband and I will turn into couch potatoes if we don't make a plan.... oh, and I do love a plan, too bad he doesn't love a plan! Thankfully he does love to make me happy:) The plan is to buy kayaks and spend sometime finding things to do together that we both enjoy. He will never run with me, or go hiking with me but he might ride a bike while I run. It's all good, because there's no going back. Time to make new traditions for just the two of us.


"Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."
---Michelle Pfeiffer

Day Dreams

If you're a daydreamer be proud! Keep it up- I've always been a daydreamer because it's worked for me. I don't get too disappointed when the daydream doesn't come to pass. It's really a bit of a coping mechanism. It's given me a sense of hope at times in my life when I had very little to be hopeful for, especially when I was young, but even now I'm day dreaming about a few things.... when I have time!

I remember when I was in the 4th grade my teacher told my mom at conferences that I was "just a day dreamer", like it was a really bad thing or something! (remember the scene in Uncle Buck where he goes to see the principal and she tells him that his neice is a waste, a silly heart, and he throws her a quater and tells her to take it and go down town and have a rat naw that wart off her face? that's what someone should have told Mrs. Mills for the way she treated me) Look, I knew I was a talker, but I really couldn't help myself :) (No guilt here) but why make a girl feel bad about being a daydreamer or a talker? I'm certain that God made us girls that way, we're communicators, nurturers, made to be passionate about relationships and everything that concerns us, we have to talk about whatever is going on in our lives, and talk about it to whoever will listen. But. Mrs. Mills was a cold-hearted woman, she obviously had no concept of how God created boys and girls. My brother was in her class the year before me and she really liked him, he was smart and wanted to please her and do everything that was expected of him. I remember passing notes to Tracy Whomble to see if she wanted to trade shoes for the day. Mrs. Mills would pull my hair and hit me over the head with a yard stick.... Sounds like a law suite today doesn't it? It probably contributed to the reason I was so determined to put my kids in private school, in retrospec I probaly didn't make the best decision on that one either but at least my heart was in the right place so no regrets.
I will continue to daydream about our next vacation... and the house we’re hunting for at the moment.... And whatever else, but I will NOT feel bad about it.

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

Harriet Tubman

All In A Day

Some days are just hard! Today was one of those days. I started off just not feeling like myself, feeling a little anxious because I knew David was going to be doing our taxes, afraid we might have to pay…. And we do! Work was full of interruptions- like every day, but today I just wasn't coping like I usually do. I felt like I didn't do anything well! I fixed computers and posted help wanted ads, sifted through resumes—I’m convinced that some of them had to be a joke! Listened to a few employees complain about something they know nothing about. Served our assistants an appreciation lunch (which I enjoyed)! I dealt with employees who weren't following protocol, at least that was the appearance! Which leads me to the one part of my day that finally brought some much-needed closure to a 13-year mystery. So, for all these years this man has called our office and every time he calls I think he's a woman until he say's "this is John". Now, John looks like a man, but sounds like a woman...it's always really confused me because he's also sooper flamboyant, to further confuse me he's married to a woman! Having said all that, I must tell you that she, the wife is confusing too. She's a woman, but she's unusually butch for a woman that's married to a "man". I'm guessing you're getting the whole picture now, which took me 13 years to figure out. Interestingly enough, John has been on testosterone for the last 10 plus years. Hmmm, John was likely born Joanne, right? So, to sum this up, John and the woman they call "the wife" are lesbians. What the heck...why did it take me so long to figure this out? Mostly, why do they have to be so confusing? Wanna be gay? Fine, great- whatever… just leave all the wacky crap out of it, because the truth is, you look like a confused lost mess!!!
The good news is that my day ended with complete bliss... I came home and ran for 40 minutes on the treadmill, sounds weird but this is so relaxing, and brain numbing, work didn't enter my mind one time. When I got off  I got to see my lovely daughter and her sweet Layla, and the biggest blessing was that they brought my sweet Minna with them, love those girls. To complete this perfect evening David made grilled chicken, baked potatoes and the perfect salad, oh and a yummy glass of wine! Probably should have been on that treadmill for 2 hours to burn off all that food....

Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states.
~Carol Welch
Well, it works for me!

I Need A Vacation

I've said it a million times- "I need a vacation" Today, I need a vacation like no other time in my life! My stress level seems to be at an all time high! So my vacation daydreaming begins...My idea of vacation is an all-inclusive resort or a Caribbean cruise. I think we'll do a cruise this May. I love the sushi bars, every cruise line has a sushi bar-- and the fancy dessert bars, I eat whatever I want on a cruise, well, I eat whatever I want most of the time but I feel guilty about it, when I'm on vacation I never feel guilty- I especially love laying in the sun reading a great book and sipping my ice water with lemon. I love getting up early and finding my way to the top deck to run laps. The ocean and the breeze are soul soothing and so rejuvenating. Then there’s the midnight buffet- which I've only managed to attend one time.... and we've been on 2 cruises, but if I could stay up that late, or eat that late and not feel like crap the next day I'd do it every night of the cruise. I love people watching, and even meeting some of those people! I love the water, that clear blue water is probably the single most calming thing I've ever experienced. I love to snorkel and eat different food at each port. I love buying silly trinkets for my family and taking silly pictures of David and I. I even love to throw away 20 bucks playing bingo, and spending 8 dollars on that silly drink they hand you when you board. I kind of enjoy watching those people who have had a drink in their hands since they stepped foot on the boat just about faint when they go up to the pursers desk to pay their tab and realize that they've spend 800 dollars on alcohol for the week. Too funny! I'm ready to go on my vacation. NOW! Maybe someday I'll be able to go two times a year!

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking. ~Earl Wilson


What's your idea of a vacation?

Alone Time

I don't know about you but there is a time everyday that I need my alone time. Time that I can be alone with my thoughts... or not, sometimes that alone time is really just a time when I don't have to hear anybody talk! I love that time everyday when I get to do something brain numbing, like go for a run, or take the dog for a walk- or going for a hike in mountains. I just need a time to not be "on". When I'm at work there is not a minute of my day that I am not "on". It's exhausting, really. I'm a people person, I like to engage- but by the end of the day I'm tapped out because a lot of my engaging is energy sucking! How is it that people can go through the day being life suckers and not life givers, how is it that day after day they complain about the same thing- always saying and doing the same thing and expecting a different result!


I thank God that I have a bunch of life givers in my life. First of all, my husband is my biggest fan, my mother is a very close second- He loves to buy me whatever I want, he loves to cook for me and get my breakfast for me everyday. He supports me in whatever I want to do, he prays with me every night and believes that I can do anything I set my mind too....he believes in me even when I don't. My daughter is also a life giver, she's always mindful of other people and is kind and loving, she's an amazing mother and daughter, she's everything I could have dreamed for in a daughter, and more. And she's equally beautiful on the outside! My son is my keeper right now, since my husband is away. He is very different than the rest of us...he's driven to know everything about whatever interests him, he's driven to be successful in life, he believes that his tithe is a priority because he knows that it all belongs to God. He's way too smart for most of us, and isn't shy to remind us of how much he knows. Luckily, he only shares that side of himself with us... but the core of him is just like his father, which makes me very proud.

This family of mine is what gives me the strength to be a good wife, mother and employee- Somehow I need to find a way to thank them!

Here is a beautiful quote-

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow" ~ Melody Beattie

Go With Your Gut!

I spent last Friday at the Rockey Mountain Dental Conference. Which in years past has been a complete waste of time- this one turned out to be no different! But because I respect my bosses and I want to set a good example to those that I manage- I braved the traffic and headed for down town Denver to the RMDC!


I take being a manager very serious, I really believe that God has put me in this unique position and I have a responsibility to be the best I can be and to lead with purpose and integrity! So off I go to "The Lioness in You" seminar. I've heard this speaker before but nothing really stands out about her. I've been to many seminars and conferences that are meant to inspire and motivate- and they've done just that! I've read amazing books- one recently called, Leadership and Self- Deception! It's put out by the Arbinger Institute and I would highly recommend it to anyone- even if you're not a manager! This book and many of the seminars I've been to have been so enlightening. But the Lioness in you had me very irritated and left me with pages of doodling and notes that said things like- Seriously, you're getting paid for this, my bosses paid money for me to sit here!!! More and more doodling.....Then I saw an old friend in the audience and wrote her a note--- Finally, break time and I get to go talk to my old friend! I was checked out, present till the end- but mentally checked out!

I'd like to give you a picture of what I sat through- in a nutshell-
The premise- you're truth is your truth and whatever works for you is what's right.
Go with your gut- Your head will lead you down a path of long conversation and debate, but the gut is usually right and it's always a very short conversation, it says "do it" "don't do it" "delay" (This was the only part of her talk that I did agreed with)

But then she moved on to her recent divorce, she began to spin her "truth"- and then used her theory that if she had just listen to her "gut" that she would have been divorced a lot sooner. She'd been married for 30 years and the last 10 years she knew that she should not be married. Long story short, her point was that now that she's divorced she just "SO HAPPY", and her and the x are friends, and the kids just wished they'd done it sooner- WHAT! Are you serious- How is this inspiring leadership?

First of all, she was totally out of line to even speak of her personal live in this forum, but the spin was what really annoyed me. You don't want to work on a 30 year marriage- fine, but don't lead a bunch of women to believe that if they aren't happy they should just listen to their gut and get a divorce, because after all, it's their truth, and then life will be all they thought it would be, perfect!

I'll be emailing the conference facilitators tomorrow!

"It is in the darkness of their eyes that men get lost" - Buck Elk